Maybe my expectations were too high for recovery and I expected to instantaneously decide to give up binging and wake up tomorrow morning and just stop having urges to do so. I have also been easily giving in to urges and feel absolutely terrible and defeated after wards. I feel like I'm losing grip on this recovery process and I don't know how to stay motivated. The more I put on my clothes the more depressed I become when I realize that they are too tight and they were not just two months ago.
On Tuesday I also attended my first support group. Although I didn't speak during it, listening to the stories of others didn't make me feel like such an alien knowing that they are other people who do the same, think the same and still have to function in society like me. But also at the same time it made me nervous as I thought to myself a lot of these girls have been struggling a long time even with therapy and I suppose I have been too idealistic in what this all will entail. Dealing with these emotions has just been difficult as I can't seem to balance my desire for recovery with my thoughts of my body. Its letting go of all the control that I have had that scares me.
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