“Just because the past taps you on the shoulder, doesn’t mean you have to look back.” -Anonymous

I just recently got out of a two year hell of a relationship. I'm not sure why I stayed with my ex-boyfriend but I believe it has to do a lot with not wanting to be alone and settling for the only person I "thought" would love me, although he didn't love me, or if he did he made every effort to hide it. The last time I spoke with him was a couple days before valentines day and he expressed his desire to want to try to have a relationship with me again after a hiatus that we took. It only took him less than 48 hours to begin to treat me the exact way that caused us to break up in the first place. After that I sent him a text to leave me alone and we haven't talked since.

A few days ago I found out that he is with someone new. The first thoughts that popped in my mind were feelings on adequacy and how the fact that he couldn't commit to me somehow was my fault because I wasn't worth the effort yet someone else was. I automatically assumed that he treats his new girlfriend with respect etc. even though I honestly have no idea, he probably treats her just as worse.

I removed every reminder I have of him, I want nothing to do with him nor do I want to blame myself for what happened with him. I keep trying to remind myself that I did everything I could for him and the relationship. I was always there for him despite him never being there for me. I really do never want to see him again but I'm not sure that it is plausible.

Either way it is important for me to put him behind me and concentrate on the new me. The e.d. free, happy me...the girl he didn't get to know and the girl he will never have the opportunity of knowing...and I think I'm pretty awesome too!

Its just always important to remember, things like this we can't control. Knowing more or less about the situation will not change it, nor will it change the fact that we don't have the ability to control it. People with e.d.s like to think they have control over every aspect of our lives but in reality we don't and we shouldn't want to...I have no control over this and I don't think I want it anymore...

all I can say to his new girlfriend is thank you...thank you for taking that douche bag off my back. Maybe now I can get some sleep at night without anticipating 4am texts of him wanting to see me. But maybe I'll still get them, and I hope I do...that would just prove to me what a asshole he really is...not that I haven't already realized it....