1. In my past I really believe that I lost my boyfriend that I had in high school. I truly feel that the obsession with my weight that I had and the isolation that I put myself into affected how I was towards him. I also have missed out and lost the ability to live a normal life. Quite often I avoided many social situations, to avoid the food but to also avoid having get changed and to have others look at me and I felt that they judged me on my weight and since I felt like an elephant, I believed that they saw that too.
2. It has prevented me from enjoying the company of family and friends. I can't go to family functions because I don't eat the food and since I am Italian, food is a huge part of our culture. I avoid going out for dinner with friends also and will often be the designated driver when we go to parties so I don't have to be confronted with caloric drinks.
3. It has impeded me from participating in hobbies. I love yoga but I haven't been going because I gained some weight and I don't want to have people see the weight that I have gained or have to look in the mirror to see myself.
4. The eating disorder has affected my work due to the fact that I have exercise bulimia and when I sleep in and don't have time to work out before work, I feel uncomfortable and need to leave early so I can come home and exercise. It is also because I have probably had a late night binge the night before as well.
5. I pretty much spend the entire day thinking about food and weight. Its something that is consistently at the back of my mind all day. It feels like something I can't avoid.
6. If I wasn't thinking about and acting on my eating disorder I probably would be out having fun all the time, being social, sleeping in, and invested in my school. I wouldn't spend much time obessing over food and exercise but rather do things that i enjoy.
This eating disorder has caused me to lose a lot of important things in my life. I am blessed that I do have good family and friends that are extremely supportive of me and my journey to ending my obsession with my body and food. I want to enjoy life and be happy. I also want to believe that I have self-worth because I believe that my lack of it has caused me to get involved in unhealthy relationships because that is what I feel I deserved.
I have hit rock bottom in my opinion. I have allowed my eating disorder to go through the entire turbulent cycle and now that it has lived a long life it is time for it to die. I am the hero in my own story against the battle of the e.d. and I believe that i possess the necessary skills and powers to conquer these destructive thoughts. (yes I have turned my e.d. into a super villain...I think recovery needs to be fun and come on...an e.d. would be the ultimate super villain in my world)
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